i really do not believe i LOVE misery.

i do not want to believe that i am here today because misery is the direction i'm looking towards.

i continue to want to believe that life took me here.

is that being irresponsible?

perhaps. however, i, myself, hold tight to my integrity.

i, myself, am very happy with MYSELF.

but i am unhappy about the environment i HAVE to live in.

sigh.

i still dont really know what's going on.

all i know is.. i dont mind this place...

it's not horrible.

i am lucky.

sometimes though..being a slave.. of time.. money.. family.. really really tires me.

soo... tired.

alright. so i'm addicted to facebook.

like south park mentioned.. if i go on this way, i will end up communicating to people via status messages.
Eunjoo You will see you for lunch at 12:00pm.
Eunjoo You needs some toilet paper in the stall.

my god.. not only that, i already find myself creating a facebook status about every little thought i have on my leisure time.

ok. that's enough face time for facebook in my xanga.

poor minah is in the hospital.. it's been over a week since she went in.
doctors have no idea what's going on.. they told her.. "it's just something that will pass..."

WHEN?!?!?!?!! is the question.

sigh.. i know depression is hitting her real hard..

ms. arlene is sick.. yuta and sandy are getting better..

ugh.

time is just flying by.. i'm so shocked that it's friday tomorrow.. i cant even be happy about it.

i randomly bumped into yuta in port authority today.

i hadnt talked to him all day cuz he left his phone at home..
so..

it really came as a surprise.

anyway, i have no hope for tomorrow..
i cant wait for all this to be done.

kaboom.

i got one more day till i go to hawaii.. and im in complete panic mode.
for no good reason too, considering i started packing yesterday.
i found my passport and i'm very close to finalizing the luggage items.

in other news..

wondering when my plans will start to unfold.

every word i speak
gives me reason to believe
the purpose of my life
is to be your beloved wife.

hello.

i work in this building that has the potential to hold 500 billion dollars in CASH.

anyway.

back to my confession.

i am OBSESSED with the past.

therefore, i am OBSESSED with xanga and facebook.

i dunno if i have a problem with it. sometimes i do disgust myself when i realize how often i check facebook. very similar feeling to what i thought of myself smoking cigarettes.

i rarely compare anything to my feelings towards cigarettes.

sigh.. after all this however, i conclude that it's no longer a problem because.. in the end.. i love myself.
i enjoy my time immensely while i sift through my past.

it's as if, i'm experiencing quality entertainment.

i think it's a wonderful thing... to be satisfied with yourself.
it certainly makes life more bearable.
if i was not so, then i'd wish to end just my life and not wish for the end of the world.

ps.. cesar millan's daddy died not too long ago.

rip daddy.

i get a lot of compliments for being a bright person for someone who really doesnt care about life.

for a good 1-2 years, i've been parking in yuta's 3rd parking spot every weekend.

without me, since the two of them only have two cars, the parking spot is unused.

at times, when i try to go park on a friday night, i see a car parked there and i complain to yuta..

"someone's parkin in your spot again!!"

i'd get mad and just park next to it.

anyway, it stopped happening for a while and i always had my spot.

just recently, i went back to my car to drive home and found note on my windshield:

"please dont park in my spot."

i got ultra mad and called yuta.. "can you please call your landlord and tell him to set things straight. now this mutherfugger thinks the spot is THEIRS."

:: couple days later ::

me: hey, did you call ur landord?

yuta: oh yeah.. he said the spot was never ours..

me:  -,-

it just comes and goes.

and you know.. in this world where some are born into a place of war...
and some are born into a place of natural disasters..

it is ironic when..

while living in a place where one learns to feel safety is an entitlement..
and threat to my being is always on a low,
i have created a threat to myself.. in my own mind.

depression.