i finally moved.

the place is so much better than my old apartment.. and i took a bunch of pics.
only, the pictures dont really express the improvement very well. SO. no pics. end of story.

secret:  fact is.. my furniture really brings down the beauty of the new place.

or should i say, my lack of furniture.

anyway. it's april already. in two more months i'll be 26.
holy jezus muther %$%$#^%$*(&&*^!!!!!

it's okay really. i dont care. age is nothing but a number and numbers mean math and math is everything.

ugh.

okay.

maybe it means i'll get more respect. oh yeah, this aint korea.
only in korea do people automatically get more respek cuz of their age.

it just doesnt roll like that over here.

i dont even know what goes on inside my head anymore. i can roll back in time in my xanger and reminisce older times but what the hell is going on right now????

umm. work. thinking about being better at work. being fascinated with things about work. being really disappointed about work life...

thinking about missing my baby..

thinking about things i should do other than work to make myself happier.

thinking about.. disappearing.

thinking about how it would be much easier if i was a tree. then i dont have to think about what would happen to other people in my life.

so yeah. back to normal life. i got a palisades park library card. looked around for almost 2 hours and borrowed Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee.

hope it's worth the 0 cents. booyakashya.

i feel like every day.. i say "that's really expensive." one more time than the previous day.

i say it so often, i catch myself in the middle of the sentence and think.. "am i being unreasonable?"
i hate to think of it this way.. but it's probably because the more i get used to making my own own money.. and realize how everything revolves around money.. i just feel like my worth-measurements are getting harder and harder to satisfy. as if all of a sudden.. i deserve better for my money or some crap.

i mean, at least i feel the same about everyone else's money too.

i was talking about expensive restaurants the other day and i was like..  "yeah.. that place is expensive.." with a yucky face. then, a coworker or my neighbor in the bus.. (i forget) says.. "ask your boyfriend to buy you. that's one of the things a boyfriend is good for.. blah blah.. he should be buying 7 out of 10 times when you go out to eat."

now that i think about it, i think it was this korean neighbor because koreans are more likely to say things like that.

so yeah, it just doesnt work like that.

i seriously would not like myself if i LOVE people buying things for me i have a hard time buying for myself.

anyway. i complained almost 3 years ago how white castle discontinued the french onion cheeseburgers:

August 21, 2005:

"
yuta and i started out with the biggest craving for FRENCH ONION
CHEESEBURGERS... from white castle... but to our most unspeakably dissapointing
surprise... they discontinued the offer.

DISCONTINUED THE OFFER???????? i was like.. THEY JUST TOOK IT AWAY?!?!?!?!!?!?!!? I DIDNT KNO IT WAS LIMITED TIME!?!?!?!!?

sigh... it left this empty hunger that would never be patched.

we ordered jalepenos burgers cuz we needed something to TRY to fill it up.

i called 1-800-THE-CRAVE to inquire/request the come back of the french
onion burger... which they sed they got a lot of calls requesting that
it be a permanent sandwich. (BTW. im the last person to call for any
comments on merchandise/food/etc.) lol. the things that love makes u
do.  X] people need to put their two cents in to make a change.

:: crossing fingers ::

ANYWAY. we went to frolick around the mall.. "

so yeah, almost 3 years later. it's back. i best go and get them then, huh.

oh yeah, i went to san francisco last week and went to this restaurant with very very hot transsexual waitresses.
but yeah, it's past my bedtime.

good night.

meet the parents made a toilet-trained cat.. a very "special" thing..
but.. no no.. it happens a plenty.

so.. can they flush? well.. this one seems to only know how to flush:

toilet train this cat!!

i think it's great that cats can be trained to use the toilet.
the actual process is not tremendously intuitive, but the result sure comes out to be brilliant.

even though i dont have a cat... WHEN i do.. i will buy this:

couple things were in my mind lately..
stupid little things.. like..

the idea of squinting to me.. is the epitome of irony.
closing your eyes further to see better.

okay okay. its probably not the epitome.. but it's just.. a bit ironic how that works.

mmm.. one thing i can use to describe how relationships are never really logical..
is the fact that..

a lot of insignificant things..
can add up to be a very significant thing.. in relationships..

but logically speaking.. assuming that insignificant can be rounded to or is zero..

a lot of zeros..
only add up to zero.

i was originally very disappointed with my lunar eclipse pictures.
i didnt even want to post them online.. because i'd be ashamed.

but i was looking at them closely.. and found out that saturn was not blurry.. but that i was actually capturing the rings of saturn.

i knew saturn was nearby during the eclipse. but i couldnt see the rings with my eyes..
so the last thing i'd expect is to see the rings of saturn through my camera.

but yes.. here are the pictures starting with the pre-eclipse:

redding up:

just got in the umbralla:

trying to capture saturn with the moon:

zoom up of saturn:

please tell me it's awesome... i feel so honored to have captured saturn with my own hands.

she'd punch some numbers and wait for his voice.
she'd say hello and look around.
they're eyes would meet and she'd smile.
phone on her side, no need for sound.

eyes would lock and she'd walk toward him.
so many people, it'd be a little awkward.
maybe she'd look away, maybe she'd stay.
mostly she'd just think of the afterward.

they'd meet and fingers would braid together.
she'd laugh at his funny hat. he'd laugh at hers.
she'd think, gosh, we make such a great couple,
make life's troubles a blur, she'd prefer no other.

so.. people ask why it happens. here's two reasons why i think it happens:

1. they like guns.
2. they are suicidal.

that's pretty much all it takes. no? they could have other reasons with those two.. but i think those are the minimum.

they probably like shooting. they buy guns.. and where can you shoot in america? shooting ranges. so they probably go there and shoot the guns they bought.

now, the only problem is... they hate their life. they dont want to live anymore.

they probably first think about just killing themself. (which i believe is a thought majority of the population thinks about now and then.)

but.. maybe when they looked at their gun.. they thought.. i like shooting guns, so before i kill myself, i could shoot other PEOPLE. i wont have to face the consequences since i'll be dead.

so.. ur thinking.. where's the empathy?

oddly enough.. if they hate their life.. they probably think they're doing these other people a favor.

considering the locations they shot (described by the news), it definitely seems like they wanted them out of their "misery" fast as well.

mmm.. there's one more problem.

these other people never had a chance to have their say.

it's generally a big problem.. people applying their "standards" to other people..
makes for a lot of the problems in society. disagreements, disappointments, war.. etc.

anyway. it wasnt fair for these people. they might have said.. my life isnt miserable. we'd never know.

this problem of applying standards on others probably wont be fixed in my life time.
but this mix of liking shooting and.. being suicidal..

i was thinking there's one fair way.

u make the gun spree/suicidal program.

u can only apply if you like to shoot guns.. and you want to die.

then, they can be put in their own space.. and shoot all they want.. and everyone will shoot and die happy.

it's what's good for all of them.. right?

die happy.

funny, the moment i want to name a daughter karen, i suddenly come across a karen that i dont particularly like.
well. i suppose there's karen from the yeah yeah yeahs who i do like. so.. we'll see how it goes.

went to a club/lounge in albany for yao's birthday. who would have thought i'd still be going to troy, huh?

this place was small.. but it had these "modern" looking seating areas:

i dunno why they chose white as a sheet color.. but i was worrying about people wearing shoes on top of them.
and if they werent, i was worring about their feet smell.
it would really be a downer at a party.

anyway. i got tired real quick and had to sit down. good thing we had regular chairs.

i did however, dance like a mofo to a techno mix of flo rida's low.

other than dancing, i'm busy looking like the kid from A Christmas Story..
or.. a Mongolian.

i've heard both.. many times. neither of these descriptions are meant to be a compliment. no offense to mongolians.. or the fat boy.

but um..  watevz.

yuta and i.. getting ready to go to troy.

mmm. is it okay to wish it was the end of the world sometimes?

it's a rhetorical question.

i think.. if i have a daughter...

i'd like to name her Karen.

after my love for Karen Carpenter's voice.

rainy days and mondays

we've only just begun

she stumbles in at 3:30am.. and then walks into the kitchen with her boots on. as much as i want to ignore her and continue to sleep, i yell out:

"take your boots off!!"

i notice she's breathing weird with a very odd positioning of her mouth.. which is the first sign that she is very drunk. it's pretty funny, but i'm mostly annoyed by it.

i try to go back to sleep in my elevated mattress in the living room..
but suddenly, i start thinking about work and what i have to do in the morning..

great. not only is she bothering me.. but im going to start bothering myself.

she's in the bathroom and in my futile attempt to go back to sleep, i notice it's been awhile since she went in.

"get out of the bathroom and go to sleep!!!!"

she responds:

"i'm out of the bathroom! i'm going to sleep!"

.
.

:: looking at the closed bathroom door with the lighted outline::

as sure as i am that she's inside, i get up and open the door. to no surprise, the door gets caught on her sitting on the toilet.

"come on... get up and go to sleep."

.
.

:: head down ::

"oh.. i thought i got out. i thought i was in the room already.."

i watch her walk into her room and lie down on her bed.

"good night."

in other news, my cousin came out in a music video!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
check check it out nowww~

toy - bon voyage